The de-barked Taiwanese Labrador Retriever

This story really doesn’t have anything to do with Dude. But I promise it’s funny.

All that you need to know is that Dude is not a dog lover, which is why our family will likely never own another one.

You may have heard the generalization that people with autism have wonderful connections with animals. This is soooooooo not the case with Dude. Pets creep him out. He doesn’t like them getting all up in his business. In Dude’s entire life, there is only one dog he has ever loved, and that is good enough for him.

Our last family dog passed away over 6 years ago. When she died, I lost all desire to ever own another pet. You see, I get really upset when animals are in pain or dying. Don’t believe me? Ask anyone in my extended family to recount the story of the time six-year-old-Julianne saw Homeward Bound and Free Willy. It wasn’t pretty.

That being said, something changed within the past three months. All of a sudden, I’m in I-WANT-A-DOG-AND-I-WANT-ONE-NOW mode. To be specific, I want a 2 to 4 year old Yellow Labrador Retriever from a rescue.

There are only a few problems with this sudden need for a canine companion. 1) I live in a city apartment that is not built for a dog. Picture multiple floors with a spiral staircase. 2) I work a regular work week and sometimes have to work nights and weekends as well. 3) A pet is a financial unknown. Everything can be going great and then they get some funky illness that requires hundreds of dollars in antibiotics. I don’t have that flexibility with my money.

Since I can’t get a dog, I may or may not have started lobbying for my parents to get a dog that I can visit in the suburbs and play with when I want. I’m such a responsible, not at all selfish adult.

Another thing about me? When I get an idea in my head, I’m kind of relentless.

Which lead to this email exchange with my parents yesterday:

To: Dad

From: Julianne

Subject: I have a problem

Dad, I think I have a problem.

http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/23517550

CAN WE GET HIM? I WANT HIM!!!! THE RESCUE IS CLOSE BY. AND HE’S OUT OF HIS PUPPY STAGE AND IS HOUSE-TRAINED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOOOOOOVED. WAAAAAAH.

——————

To: Julianne, Mom

From: Dad

Subject: Re: I have a problem

JUST GO GET HIM AND WE WILL FIGURE IT ALL OUT LATER.  JUST DON’T TELL MOM!!

——————

To: Dad, Mom

From: Julianne

Subject: Re: I have a problem

I had told Sarah (friend from college) about the email earlier today and just gave her your update via gchat:

Me: Dad is joking, but I wish he weren’t

Sarah:  Um he said you could go get the dog. This is no joking matter.
——————
To: Dad, Julianne
From: Mom
Subject: Re: I have a problem
And Mom is saying WHAT IS GOING ON?????? Are you being serious?!?!?
Dad really had me going on this one.
Speechless,
Mom
P.S.  Max is precious but is he hairless and has the inability to bark??
—————-

To: Dad, Mom

From: Julianne

Subject: Re: I have a problem

I mean.. I assumed Dad was joking. But now I’m not sure???

Max does have the ability to bark, but they said he’s super low maintenance!!!!

HOWEVER, I found another lab named Ryder that actually got de-barked! I’m not joking!!! The one downside is that he’s currently in Taiwan.. with the intention of coming to a shelter in Wilmington, DE. http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/23393966?rvp=1

—————

To: Julianne, Mom

From: Dad

Subject: Re: I have a problem

OK, now you are just going crazy – de-barked Lab from Taiwan?  LISTEN TO YOURSELF!!!!!  GOOD LORD, GET A GRIP WOMAN!!!

—————

To: Dad, Julianne
From: Mom
Subject: Re: I have a problem
I agree w/ Dad’s assessment.  STOP THE INSANITY!!!
Although I’m oddly amused by the thought of an actual “de-barked” dog, the last pet we need to bring into our home is an emotionally-scarred Taiwanese labrador retriever!!
For the love of God, woman, walk away from that website . . .
Mom
—————

To: Dad, Mom

From: Julianne

Subject: Re: I have a problem

I feel like Dad was on board until I mentioned the the de-barked Taiwanese dog. Dang.
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